Quit stealing my joy!

6th October, 2017

For as long as I can remember, it’s been trying to steal my joy.

When I was 20 and Andrew and I had just become engaged, it stole my joy.
When we were planning our wedding, it stole my joy then too.
When we were building our first home. When I was pregnant with Lily and again when I was pregnant with Spencer. Continually stealing my joy.
Now more than ever, with so much happening at the moment in our lives, it is stealing my joy. In the still of the night when all is dark and quiet and it’s just me and my thoughts – stealing. my. joy.

We are a matter of weeks away from our adventure of a life time and I just can’t help but shake this feeling. Anxiety.
WWJS. Worlds Worst Joy Stealer.
Whenever something wonderful is about to happen, my mind goes to worst case and it’s as though I am always waiting for things to go wrong and for all plans to come crashing down. Unravelling at the seams.
Sometimes I want to shake myself silly. What is wrong with me?!!

I’ve always known anxiety has had me in its grips – but it’s never been something that has controlled my life. Never has it affected my day or stopped me from doing anything.
I just feel it more than ever right now, and I don’t like it!

At the moment, I am over thinking every little thing. If the kids are sore or hurt – I panic. If I have an ache, or if I spot a freckle that I’ve never noticed before – I panic.
I worry when Andrew leaves for work each day. I just want us to all be perfectly healthy and ready to board that plane in a few weeks time.

One thing that I have recently discovered is essential oils and I’ll tell you something for nothing – they are seriously the shiz nit!!!
A lovely friend gifted me some doTERRA oils, and at the moment, they’re working wonders. I don’t actually know if I am using them correctly, but like many a thing in life – mind over matter, and I’m using them day and night.

Maybe it’s simply the fact that we’re diving deep into the unknown. Totally out of our comfort zone. I’m really not sure. But I know it’s utterly draining.

I am hopeful that everything will come together and that it will all just be as it is meant to be…(pulling my positive pants up!!)

I would love to hear from you if you have any tips or pointers for this old girl who is struggling a little at the moment.

As always, big love.

-C x


Feature photo outfit details: Frankie & Co. Clothing
Jeansย Size 10
Embroidered Jacketย Size 10

6 thoughts on “Quit stealing my joy!

  1. Tiss

    Babe – as someone who has done similar things like this on a huge scale, those feelings are part and parcel… you go through all the worries, doubts, insecurities…and I think when you step into an unknown where things are out of your knowledge, control, comfort zone, it heightens all those feelings to the max! All I can say it, enjoy the ride! Wherever it may take you! You have all the big stuff covered & the rest you will work out along the way. What an amazing opportunity you are giving those gorgeous kids of yours (and yourselves) – freakin’ go for it Barnseys!!!!!! Xxxxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Kerri

    Ohhh I feel you on the anxiety front! Always popping up at the times which are meant to be your happiest and most exciting. For awhile there I felt like my anxiety was winning but it hasn’t showed up for some time and I think it is largely down to some advice my husband gave me. When my thoughts are spiraling out of control he suggested I ask myself ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen?’ And then follow that with ‘and if that happened what would that mean for you?’ (Usually for my anxiety scenarios it would generally be an inconvenience, like needing to reschedule a flight or losing a sum of money etc) ‘What steps could you take to avoid that situation?’ (Do some planning or be prepared, even if it just means having an idea of who to call for help if you need assistance). Focusing on the now and not letting my mind race too far into the future,
    exercising and reducing caffeine have also been a big help.
    I hope you start to feel calmer and have a wonderful start to you trip xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. herlifeandloves

      Hi Kerri and thank you for taking the time to reply. I love that advice too. My problem is exactly that – worrying too much about what could possibly happen. Wasted worry really. I think I need to start exercising a bit more! Big love x

      Like

  3. Leah Alstin

    Clare,

    I don’t really know what anxiety feels like. I get nervous and I worry about stuff…I don’t know if it’s similar.
    My two most used sayings in life are ‘it is what it is’ and ‘what will be, will be’.
    As you know, I only have limited control over my life. It’s a hard thing to accept. But when you really think about it, everyone is in the same position!! None of us really know what is going to happen tomorrow, or in 5 minutes.

    Try to let this trip be what it will be. I’m sure it will be perfect, You’ve done all that you can to make it perfect. You’ll be with your husband and two beautiful children…that’ the main thing. Yeah, there might be some hiccups along the way. That’s ok though! They’ll help to shape you as a person, as a family.

    I really hope this makes sense. Just let it be…i’m sure it’ll be amazing!

    Love Leah x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. herlifeandloves

      Hi love. Worry and nerves is what gets me most of the time. I think it’s all combined.
      And your reply definitely makes sense. Thankyou for writing. We are very excited for this little adventure. Now to get through the next few weeks. xx

      Like

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