6th October, 2017
For as long as I can remember, it’s been trying to steal my joy.
When I was 20 and Andrew and I had just become engaged, it stole my joy.
When we were planning our wedding, it stole my joy then too.
When we were building our first home. When I was pregnant with Lily and again when I was pregnant with Spencer. Continually stealing my joy.
Now more than ever, with so much happening at the moment in our lives, it is stealing my joy. In the still of the night when all is dark and quiet and it’s just me and my thoughts – stealing. my. joy.
We are a matter of weeks away from our adventure of a life time and I just can’t help but shake this feeling. Anxiety.
WWJS. Worlds Worst Joy Stealer.
Whenever something wonderful is about to happen, my mind goes to worst case and it’s as though I am always waiting for things to go wrong and for all plans to come crashing down. Unravelling at the seams.
Sometimes I want to shake myself silly. What is wrong with me?!!
I’ve always known anxiety has had me in its grips – but it’s never been something that has controlled my life. Never has it affected my day or stopped me from doing anything.
I just feel it more than ever right now, and I don’t like it!
At the moment, I am over thinking every little thing. If the kids are sore or hurt – I panic. If I have an ache, or if I spot a freckle that I’ve never noticed before – I panic.
I worry when Andrew leaves for work each day. I just want us to all be perfectly healthy and ready to board that plane in a few weeks time.
One thing that I have recently discovered is essential oils and I’ll tell you something for nothing – they are seriously the shiz nit!!!
A lovely friend gifted me some doTERRA oils, and at the moment, they’re working wonders. I don’t actually know if I am using them correctly, but like many a thing in life – mind over matter, and I’m using them day and night.
Maybe it’s simply the fact that we’re diving deep into the unknown. Totally out of our comfort zone. I’m really not sure. But I know it’s utterly draining.
I am hopeful that everything will come together and that it will all just be as it is meant to be…(pulling my positive pants up!!)
I would love to hear from you if you have any tips or pointers for this old girl who is struggling a little at the moment.
As always, big love.
-C x
Feature photo outfit details: Frankie & Co. Clothing
Jeans Size 10
Embroidered Jacket Size 10
her life and loves 
Tiss
Babe – as someone who has done similar things like this on a huge scale, those feelings are part and parcel… you go through all the worries, doubts, insecurities…and I think when you step into an unknown where things are out of your knowledge, control, comfort zone, it heightens all those feelings to the max! All I can say it, enjoy the ride! Wherever it may take you! You have all the big stuff covered & the rest you will work out along the way. What an amazing opportunity you are giving those gorgeous kids of yours (and yourselves) – freakin’ go for it Barnseys!!!!!! Xxxxxx
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herlifeandloves
Thankyou my beautiful friend. Your words mean so much. xx
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Kerri
Ohhh I feel you on the anxiety front! Always popping up at the times which are meant to be your happiest and most exciting. For awhile there I felt like my anxiety was winning but it hasn’t showed up for some time and I think it is largely down to some advice my husband gave me. When my thoughts are spiraling out of control he suggested I ask myself ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen?’ And then follow that with ‘and if that happened what would that mean for you?’ (Usually for my anxiety scenarios it would generally be an inconvenience, like needing to reschedule a flight or losing a sum of money etc) ‘What steps could you take to avoid that situation?’ (Do some planning or be prepared, even if it just means having an idea of who to call for help if you need assistance). Focusing on the now and not letting my mind race too far into the future,
exercising and reducing caffeine have also been a big help.
I hope you start to feel calmer and have a wonderful start to you trip xx
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herlifeandloves
Hi Kerri and thank you for taking the time to reply. I love that advice too. My problem is exactly that – worrying too much about what could possibly happen. Wasted worry really. I think I need to start exercising a bit more! Big love x
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Leah Alstin
Clare,
I don’t really know what anxiety feels like. I get nervous and I worry about stuff…I don’t know if it’s similar.
My two most used sayings in life are ‘it is what it is’ and ‘what will be, will be’.
As you know, I only have limited control over my life. It’s a hard thing to accept. But when you really think about it, everyone is in the same position!! None of us really know what is going to happen tomorrow, or in 5 minutes.
Try to let this trip be what it will be. I’m sure it will be perfect, You’ve done all that you can to make it perfect. You’ll be with your husband and two beautiful children…that’ the main thing. Yeah, there might be some hiccups along the way. That’s ok though! They’ll help to shape you as a person, as a family.
I really hope this makes sense. Just let it be…i’m sure it’ll be amazing!
Love Leah x
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herlifeandloves
Hi love. Worry and nerves is what gets me most of the time. I think it’s all combined.
And your reply definitely makes sense. Thankyou for writing. We are very excited for this little adventure. Now to get through the next few weeks. xx
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Claire
I resonate with this post so much. We recently took our kids overseas for a month and I was a bit of a wreck leading up to it. One week before we were to fly out my son got chicken pox (who even gets them anymore!!) and my daughter an ear infection 😩😩😩 and my kids are rarely sick apart from a sniffle. So in amoungst the packing, organizing etc etc I had two little ones home from school and was quarantined to my house. I feel like all my worry manifested sickness in them.
This taught me many lessons. We actually have very little control over anything. The best we can do is fill our lives with joy and love, live our truth and be kind to ourselves and others xx
My other big lesson I’ve learned is that when I feel that tight, strangling joy stealing anxiety start to creep i remind myself of everything I am grateful for. I quickly realise that the anxiety cannot takeany of these things away.
Oils 🙌🏻 Are the bomb. Constantly dabbing, spraying, diffusing them around here and are super helpful. Also meditation and moving my body.
You’ve got this!!!!!! I promise xx
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mckenna
hello there 🙂 i love your blog so i followed and subscribed.
i’m obviously not the same age as you so i don’t have as much experience with life, but i do understand some about anxiety. i experience a lot of the same things as you when it comes to even simple every day things. i overthink to the max and it ends up stressing me out.
my mom is actually really into essential oils. as annoying as it is sometimes, they do really help, not only with helping stress levels stay low but also with things like sore muscles or stomach aches. very helpful.
one thing i do to calm down if i’m either having a panic attack or i’m just really anxious is listen to the band Sleeping At Last. every person I’ve suggested them to has loved their music. it’s pretty much poetry put to very calming and lovely music. i definitely suggest them to you too (they actually just recently released a Christmas album).
anyways, there’s a random suggestion from an inexperienced teenage girl. maybe it’ll help? i hope so at least.
your family is lovely and i look forward to reading your posts 🙂
☾☼
mckenna | https://tothestarsandneverback.wordpress.com/
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herlifeandloves
Hi McKenna. Thanks for stopping by. Yes the oils definitely do help. I will check out that album too. Thanks for the tip!
Take care and keep writing.
Clare x
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bernieLynne
I hope you kept anxiety in its box while you travelled. The big what if what if can suck the life out of one. My daughter suffers badly from anxiety and it can be debiliating at times for her.
I’m old enough now that I’ve never seen most of the what ifs turn out so I’m a lot more chill than I was 30 years ago!
Bernie
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herlifeandloves
Hi Bernie, thanks for your message. Here I am replying over a year later.
My anxiety was actually it’s very lowest during our year long travel. It always is when I am with Andrew and the kids exploring and being together. I think a lot of the time – its the outside noise and interference that does most harm for me. I hope your daughter is doing well x
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